I will tell you what actually happens during my master's. Fundamentally, I’m still striving. It’s not easy as I think before. It’s not easy because I face many changes only in 1 month! I live in a different city with my main support systems. I should be able to go anywhere independently! (because Jogja’s public transportation is very limited!). I should manage my time and energy to function well. The Master’s phase is very tough! It’s like what I’ve imagined before but there were a lot of surprises too! Sometimes, I think that I can’t handle it anymore but I’m the one who makes a decision.
I think that I will always handle every problem smoothly, but the result is WRONG! There are many things that are out of my capability. I realize that before taking a role as a psychologist. It means before I’m helping others. I must help myself. I should know everything. I must have an answer to my problems. But, the truth is OKAY. If you don’t know how to help yourself in the first place. You can ask a lot. Even though it feels uncomfortable.
I’m trying to open myself to the surroundings. New place. New people. New environment. I still don’t find the ‘right’ circumstances. But, It’s okay. I still have a lot of time. Don’t need to rush. I will try to work for it and let God do the rest. Insya Allah.
Everyone says it’s very normal to feel what I feel right now. The transition stage is not always full of rainbows and butterflies. You aren’t defined by the new role and responsibilities. Sometimes you fail to meet the expectation/target/deadlines/etc. But, you are an important part of this journey. You are the one who should be appreciated and loved more. Welcome back, self! I’m sorry for making you in this hardship! But, thank you for always being here with me.